Was it something I said?

    The world seems more like a mystery by each day. Not that I couldn't predict what's going to happen- Oh I knew it was always going to be this way. The question in my head is "why?" and the answer seems to be happiness. That is apparently why I constantly find myself left alone and made into a fool. I try to include everyone's opinions and I try to help those, who accept my help, but its' just as they say... No good deed will go unpunished.
    There are three key moments in my life which destroy all my trust in people and show that life is just a chain of suffering linked by happy buildups.
    The first moment was when I was in 6th grade. Every guy from my class ambushed me in a narrow alleyway. They managed to grab my schoolbag and threw it in dirt. It sickens me how people have no respect to another person's property- I felt that way then and even more so now. I was afraid. I was alone and outnumbered seven fold. I knew that I had no way out for they would make fun of me and destroy me during the remaining 3 years in school. Than I saw that it had to come to this at one point. I stood up for myself for I knew no one else would and I saw that they didn't have the guts to try anything. They left. I won. This is how I learnt that people, who don't know you, will hurt you nevertheless just to get a kick out of it.
     5 years later I was left by someone, who said she would never do it. That was when the human stupidity and lies took me to the very bottom and I didn't think I'd recover. But this taught me once again that it's all about suffering. All the peaceful cheerful days are just the buildup to a greater deal of suffering. Much like a roller coaster heading way up in the sky just to give a sudden drop. This is how I learnt that the people you love will hurt you for their own fun and it will make them truly happy in their soul.
    The third moment is going to happen soon. I don't know when, but I know that it'll take the last of my sanity and good will.

I am just 17, but I feel the bitterness and helpless nostalgia of a much older man. I am afraid what I will feel when I have the age of a much older man. Will I feel dead?