Showing posts with label Blade. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blade. Show all posts

Saturday, June 30, 2012

The Gravedigger's Son

      "A long time ago, in a small village near London, there was a gravedigger of skill. Some say he could dig a hundres graves in just one night. He was a humble man, who didn't ask for much and lived in a hut near the graveyard... there were rumors that his real home was in the thick forest surrounding the old cemetery, but who really believes these stories.
     One cold night in the middle of winter, when the man was shoveling snow out of the fresh graves, he saw one of them open in a haze of fire and out of it ascended a tall man with black wings- Lucifer. He offered the gravedigger a job and in return, he'd get anything he wanted. The man accepted Lucifer's offer, was taken to the underworld and given an unbreakable shovel, that would never get dull. He spent 20 years in Hell and after he finished digging deepest pit of Hell- Tartarus, he was given one request to make before sending him back to the surface. The gravedigger bowed before Lucifer and asked for the shovel, that had stayed sharp after all these years and Lucifer was amazed by the simplicity of his needs, but still respected the promise he had made.
    This story has been passed down from father to son for countless generations, and every word of it is true." Said the old man in a long leather coat while limping between the graves and occasionally casting glances at the young man following him. They stopped at an unmarked grave. "According to the legend Lucifer had told the gravedigger, that his skills will never die as they will be passed on with Lucifer's shovel, because Hell will always need a gravedigger. 
    The old man kept the strange shovel with him at all times and when he died his son was asked to finish the gravedigger's last job- Three graves had to be dug in the graveyard. The gravedigger's son grabbed Lucifer's shovel and by the morning a hundred new graves had appeared. Next day, the son buried his father with the shovel and kept in mind the story of the old gravedigger and his pact with Lucifer. Now the shovel is your's and after a while, you'll tell this story to your son." The bearded elder finished and sat on a large stone next to the grave. The young man looked at the empty tombstone and asked: "What if Lucifer comes for his new gravedigger." The elder smiled: "Then you dig..."

A shovel is an axe, a sword, a spear and a hammer combined... and you can also dig a grave with it.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Soviet waffles and Sparkle-Free Vampires

Firstly I want to say that waffles made with a soviet waffle iron taste like magic: I ate close to twelve waffles, but it seems that I like socialism even less now. CAPITALISM RULES!(Until I get poor and start wanting equality.)
Now onto the second topic: Sparkle-Free Vampires, no one seems to care about the classic, royal, nocturnal beasts, who made whole cities tremble with fear. Well I hope that there still are some people out there, who find the real vampires as fascinating as I do.
I give you The Blood list (all of them are equally better than Twilight) :

1. Van Helsing (2004) A brave adventurer, with his sidekick fighting against Dracula and meeting other fictional characters along the way. (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, The Frankenstein's monster)

2. Van Helsing: The London Assignment (2004) An anime prequel to the movie. It gives a closer look at Dr. Jekyll's ungodly attempts to create eternal youth.

2. Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (Nosferatu, a Symphony of Horror, 1922) This is a story based on Bram Stoker's "Dracula" with Max Schrek as Count Orlok. You might ask: "Where the hell did you get this ancient crappy looking movie?" to which I must simply reply with a "Fuck you, it's a classic! Count Orlok would fold your Edward in half and hang him up as a disco ball! Go watch your High school Musical, you fuckin' muggle!"

3. Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994) A tale of a vampire's eternal life. I would call the vampires in this movie the most royal ones there are. (Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Antonio Banderas)

4. Underworld (2003) The story of a female vampire warrior fighting in the war against lycans. Kate Beckinsale (The lead actor) is a connection between Underworld and Van Helsing... I like her.

5. Fright Night (2011) Movie about a normal high school student whose neighbour turns out to be a vampire. I am well aware that this is a remake, but I think that the magician Peter Vincent (David Tennant) is a much awesomer vampire killer than the original retired TV-actor Peter Vincent.

6. Blade (1998) An awesome take at the vampire genre with a half-blood vampire, who kills evil vampires with a katana. I personally thought that the whole trilogy is quite entertaining.

These are some good vampire movies, but I bet there are more... Like the one with Eddie Murphy(Vampire in Brooklyn, 1995), I think it was funny and fucking creepy at the same time. I mean look at him:

"I'm the guy, who played Donkey and now I'm gonna eat the shit out of you!"

Now for some Vampire - The Masquerade: Bloodlines.
-Jonathan Wulfric Thorne